I don't really have any friends. I have neighbors, I have roommates, I have associates, but no one that I can really confide in. There is nobody that has seen how truly unbalanced I am that still talks to me. I've been through this all before and it ends in a loop and I end up remembering that I don't care anymore. I don't know, I'm just feeling sad for no good reason. I'm not lonely, I'm not unhigh, I'm mildly bored, but that's not it. It's more that I feel disappointed with the world. It seems like I would do anything for anyone most of the time (but that's my unsatisfied need for approval,) but when I need something I'm on my own. I don't know, maybe I haven't grown up all the much from that scared little kid in elementary school desperately trying to make friends, from that awkward 8th grade kid who just wanted to fit in, from that bitter high schooler who spent 4 years hating the world before it could hate him. Maybe I've never grown up. I can fake it, but when you see the real me, I'm just scared most of the time. Even when I'm not, I am because as soon as everything else is resolved in life, death is still looming in the distance and all around.