Of course I'm going to keep trying. What else is there to do? At least until I'm 50 when if I'm still single and have never been married, I will jump off Cape Perpetua at sunset and say goodbye the right way. Becuase if I'm going to die alone, I'm going to die alone on my own terms. But that's not for another 26 years or so. That's a long time, but at least in the end, I know it really will end one way or another. But I'm not suicidal at the moment, I just like having my out. Still this M thing is really bugging me. I don't want to run away from these emotions anymore, I'm just not sure how to deal with them. All I know is to run away.