October 05, 2011

The Cold War

I am stuck in a cold war.  There is no overt fighting, but it seems like we're always trying to get a leg up on the other.  It could erupt into a huge fight at any moment.  All it will take is a few insensitive words and the other will react.  I know that if they offend me one too many times, then I could drop a few words and this entire household will be fighting.  All I'd have to say is something insensitive about any of the many family "secrets".  I could point out the time he hit on my cousin (and his step-niece) when she was most vulnerable.  I could bring up the time he went to jail for hitting my mother.  I could remind him how his family thinks he drove his own mother to overdose on morphine. Any of those would do the trick.  I know he resents my presence here, and I still resent his.  I still hate him.

I never realized how much hate is pent up in my heart.  I hate Him, I hate Thor, and I hate myself most of all.

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