So it's three weeks and one day, I was told yesterday that three weeks is a notorious hump for what I'm going through.  Last time, three weeks to the day was as far as I lasted, this time it's just as hard, but I don't want to fail.  I could fail easily, it would be as easy as making a phone call and I could have it delivered faster than a pizza.  No.  I can't.  I won't.  Not this time.  It's hard, harder than it should be.  I'm sick of sobriety.  I just want an escape from myself.  I mean, I'm happy with what I've become.  I'm less controlled by my emotions, my anxiety is way less than it was, but worse than I remember it.  I'm a nice guy right now.  I'm not a slave to my desires.  I'm not broke anymore.  I'm making a possibly unwise investment today when I buy a PS3 instead of what I would normally spend my money on.  I don't know.  I'm rambling.  I'm scared.  I want it so bad.  It's horrible to want something this bad that I know will be nothing but bad for me.  I can't give in.  Well I can give in.  That's the hard part, I could give in if I wanted to, but I WILL NOT GIVE IN!  This is my time to say NO!  It was actually offered to me today and I said no.  I was proud of myself, but I'm not sure if I should be making such a big deal out of it.  It's just that.  Plenty of people control it, but I can't.  I can't control it once I start.  Does it make me weak, maybe, maybe it makes me stronger to know that I can't control it.  I don't know.  But I will not fail.