Damn, I'm feeling like shit. Lower than low. I know why, you know why. Why else? I just can't seem to shake it. I try things that would normally have made me feel better, but I just can't help but feel guilty ALL the time. Maybe it's the lingering loneliness. Maybe it's the realization that I've finally used up all of my friends, that I've never really matured beyond high school. Maybe it's exactly what we all know it is, and there's no reason for me to complain. I brought it on myself and I could fix it, if I really wanted to put in the effort. But I don't, I guess. I don't know what I want except to crawl into my own personal hell and ferment into the bitter old man I can only hope to become. I know thinking about tomorrow always helps me when I'm feeling like shit today. Let's see, I have the rest of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday before payday. Two and a half days. I can do it. Then what comes of payday? Who cares. At least I'll have money. Then I can have happiness for a few hours and spend the rest of the week waiting till payday. Meh, it's what I do I guess.
Now my issue is that I have only two cigarettes to last me two and a half days. My options are this: sell the two video games I bought in November to the pawn store for maybe $20 when I paid $100 for them initially, or borrow money. What to do? I should sacrifice the video games instead of borrowing money. I know it's the right thing to do. I've put them on Craig's List hoping to get $50 out of them, but so far no calls or emails, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a walk to the pawn store, which is most of the way to Wal*Mart and it's raining out. I don't really want to settle for $20 for both of them. Of course if I do get the $20, then I can buy cigarettes and enough junk food to eat myself into a food coma. That's probably the best thing to do. *sigh*
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