So after the most recent talk w/ my family I've fully resolved every issued raised. I now do ALL my own dishes, I feed the dog and don't bitch about walking the extra 20 feet to put the cup back in the bin of dog food, I've kept my bathroom sprall to a minimum, the one bit of public area that I claim has been kept impecably clean, and I've reduced my usage of their computer to a half hour a day which I've kept to. I even take out the trash and watch their dog whenever they need me to. Then why do I still feel unwelcome in the house? Why do I still stay in my room 20 or so hours every day? I don't know. I still feel that I have to be invited to participate in family activities and even coming downstairs to watch a little TV in the evenings seems awkward. Maybe it's because I don't really want to be part of this family. I'm still wrestling with my own demons and I'm mostly content to spend my days in my room. Still, it's often a lonely existence. Should I just relax? Probably. Like I've been told again and again in life by people who have known me and completely different places and times: just chill. So maybe that's just what I'll do. Just relax and do my own thing and know that when I feel comfortable to come out of my shell, my family will be there to embrace me into their fold. . . yeah right.
I'm waiting for the day when my Unemployment runs out and they smile as they kick me out to the street again. Do I really have to make such a huge personal sacrifice to validate my long held suspicions that they actually don't give a fuck about me? Yeah. I know I need something drastic to break me from this cycle. Still, I have a few months of unemployment left and maybe, just maybe, something will come along and I'll be on track in life. This time more experienced and better equipped to deal with the challenges and to recognize the opportunities.
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