What fallows is a draft from a couple of years ago. This was dealing with Mehgan who turned out to be a really good friend. And all was exactly what it seemed. She needed someone to hang out with and I needed it too. She taught me the value of platonic friendship and introduced me to her brother that turned out to be the best male friend I've ever had. Then she and her brother moved away. Leaving me with memories and lessons and a step closer to realizing that there is probably no Happily Ever After.
Do Not Publish until issue is resolved. Don't let yourself get hurt again. This isn't going to be like A or M, this is going to be like AE. This is going to be all the irrational imaginings of happily ever after with no pay out at all except for another empty space in my heart. This is all really irrational and I guess I have to run with it. But whenever I meet a potential girl I fill with hope then the inevitable disappointment. This will end badly. For the love of god, please, please don't invest yourself any further. If something was going to happen, it would have happened all ready. You're better chance at Happily Ever After was that hooker at the store. But she's told you that it's absurd for us to be together. She's struck with the L desease hard. And you fill a need for her. It sucks to be alone all the time and you're somebody to hang out with. You try to show affection and she brushes it off or pushes it away. Think about it. You're biggest arguments saying that she likes you are the way she passes the pipe to initiate touch, even though she never grabs the pipe back that way in return. Your other argument is a comment she made yesterday about how I really pick up on subtle signals. She could have been saying the opposite too. She could have been saying, please, pick up on my signals for you to go away. I understand her motives for wanting me around and she should have no guilt over the way I feel for her because she said that there is nothing between us. Then she basically initiates a date for tomorrow. Again this is most likely her just wanting someone to do stuff with. It would suck to go to the movies alone. Imagine the scene, you're sitting there in the movie and you take her hand, she jumps looks at you funny and you've lost another friend. Of course she doesn't like you. She's a LESBIAN and she's told you that. Remember this. Please, I know you're trying to grasp at hope, but it's not going to happen. Think of it this way, it cannot end good. Either you say something to her about the feelings and she's incredibly offended and hates you forever; or at the very least wants to hang out with you less and tells everyone at work how weird you are for even thinking something so absurd, or maybe she calls you a stalker. Or you continue to hang out like you are with her hiding these feelings that will only grow worse and more obsessive and live the next however much time hoping for something that will never, never, never, never be. Or you tell her and she actually does like you and maybe you get an amazing girlfriend. But I promise that won't happen. Because it doesn't happen that way. You don't deserve happiness. You want it, but you don't deserve it. But wanting it, it makes you deserve it even less.
Do Not Publish until issue is resolved. Don't let yourself get hurt again. This isn't going to be like A or M, this is going to be like AE. This is going to be all the irrational imaginings of happily ever after with no pay out at all except for another empty space in my heart. This is all really irrational and I guess I have to run with it. But whenever I meet a potential girl I fill with hope then the inevitable disappointment. This will end badly. For the love of god, please, please don't invest yourself any further. If something was going to happen, it would have happened all ready. You're better chance at Happily Ever After was that hooker at the store. But she's told you that it's absurd for us to be together. She's struck with the L desease hard. And you fill a need for her. It sucks to be alone all the time and you're somebody to hang out with. You try to show affection and she brushes it off or pushes it away. Think about it. You're biggest arguments saying that she likes you are the way she passes the pipe to initiate touch, even though she never grabs the pipe back that way in return. Your other argument is a comment she made yesterday about how I really pick up on subtle signals. She could have been saying the opposite too. She could have been saying, please, pick up on my signals for you to go away. I understand her motives for wanting me around and she should have no guilt over the way I feel for her because she said that there is nothing between us. Then she basically initiates a date for tomorrow. Again this is most likely her just wanting someone to do stuff with. It would suck to go to the movies alone. Imagine the scene, you're sitting there in the movie and you take her hand, she jumps looks at you funny and you've lost another friend. Of course she doesn't like you. She's a LESBIAN and she's told you that. Remember this. Please, I know you're trying to grasp at hope, but it's not going to happen. Think of it this way, it cannot end good. Either you say something to her about the feelings and she's incredibly offended and hates you forever; or at the very least wants to hang out with you less and tells everyone at work how weird you are for even thinking something so absurd, or maybe she calls you a stalker. Or you continue to hang out like you are with her hiding these feelings that will only grow worse and more obsessive and live the next however much time hoping for something that will never, never, never, never be. Or you tell her and she actually does like you and maybe you get an amazing girlfriend. But I promise that won't happen. Because it doesn't happen that way. You don't deserve happiness. You want it, but you don't deserve it. But wanting it, it makes you deserve it even less.
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