I know I'm going to kill myself by eating fast food, but somehow I can't stop. I know that soon I'll be 400 lbs. and there will be no way out. I just can't stop it. Please God, I know you exist because you have to. If there was no God then life truly would be meaningless and futile. But I know there's more than just life. Well I don't know there there is more, but I want there to be more so I choose to believe there is more. Maybe I'm choosing Christianity because that's the major religion. I used to rebel against conformity, now, secretly that's all I want. There are other motivations, but if I could be just like everybody else, life might be a little better. Or maybe it wouldn't be. I don't know. What I do know is that work is beconing and there's nothing I can do to stop it. As much as I want to stay home and wallow in my obesity, there's no time for that. I have to go to work, if for no other reason, to support my addictions: fast food and nicotine. Yeah, I'm just plain sad.