Oh blessed bi-polar tendencies, without you depression would seem endless and happiness just a step towards more depression. Blessed be my ability to distract myself from the inevitable; when a stray comment from a stranger darkness comes to light and all that is bad is masked by fear of rejection.

No need for vague references to half truths, like I said a few days ago this blog is going back to the brutal honesty that gave a modest following (fine three people and family :)

So my boss asks me why I've had a bad attitude the past couple of weeks, I don't tell her the real reason: that I've been struggling with my weight, mortality and a financial troubles, so I tell her "it's Monday, what do you expect?" But something in the way she asked me (like maybe she cared) made me realize that this attitude is not getting me anywhere, that maybe my spirit has been crushed by life, but that doesn't mean that I can't pretend to be in a good mood. To quote my uncle, there's a public person and a private person. I've been letting my personal struggles affect my work. I've been letting my heart, broken not by love but by life, control how I act and feel. I need to take control and do what I have to do even if I don't feel like it.