So facing another birthday alone, and this one my 21st life seems a little bleak. This is my last chance to be a kid and first chance to be an adult. But to me it represents so much more. All you're life you're always too young to do things. But after 21, there's nothing that you're excluded from because of mere age. That means that as far as the world is concerned I'm a real person. What it also means is there's really nothing more to grow older for. The only thing left to look forward to is death, and that is just too depressing to think about. So I face a birthday alone in my apartment in front of my computer with a bottle of cheap taquilla listing my woes for all the world to see. The thing is, the world doesn't really care. Nobody really cares, with the exception of Opal (my friend from Job Corps) and Jenn (we all know about Jenn.) But both these people are so far away, they don't know what I've become, an obesse, depressed mockery of the old me, with none of the fire and desire that made people like me. The personality to replace looks. Now I really am nothing. I just want to go home and crawl into a hole, but it seems like I feel that way more and more. That nothing seems to be worth doing. So here's to 21 alone, and eternity to wallow.