For the first time in longer than I can remember, I actually feel like crying. I am just so frustrated over little things in life, that all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry. I know all of the things that I rant about now will seem irrelevant in a day or a week, but for now I scream! Actually, I don't scream, I let go of my facade of feeble masculinity, and let my emotions role. I'm not even mad, I'm just kinda sad. My paycheck was $100 short because of a mistake by my supervisor who makes enough that $100 would be very little to her. But to me, it means the difference between 2 weeks of feigned wealth, and 2 weeks of abject poverty. Yeah I have enough to pay my bills, but barely. I'm going to have to give up smoke, lunch, fast food, pretty much any food. I really don't know how I'm going to live for 2 weeks with less than $100 for food, cigarettes and gas. And to top it all off, I'm being treated so unfairly at work that I can barely hold myself together. I thought about putting myself back onto Paxil, but that has to wait another month, God I'm just so afraid that I can't handle it. But for now, I put a smile on my face, and fake happiness in my voice and I suffer. I bottle it up some more, and hope beyond reason that I'll be able to keep that lid on my emotions.