I'm tired, really tired, and vaguely depressed for no real reason. I noticed it last night when I was sitting at my computer with nothing to do, staring with no actual purpose, except that my computer, as old as slow as it is, was my only portal to the outside world. While sitting there contemplating nothingness, lost in the boundless failures of past lives, I realized just how truly lonely I am. Now I've written a lot on loneliness in this blog, but last night it hit me hard. Of course that happens once in while, but who am I to complain? Wait a second, this is my goddamned blog and I can complain as much as I want to. But let's not.

In other better news: 68 days 'till Disney Land. I started the count down at 80 days 'till Disney Land, and already it's through the 70's and into the 60's, it a week in will be into the 50's and then another 10 days and I'm half way through. So right now I'm about 12.5% through my countdown, with something like 25% of the money needed saved. So as of right now I'm saving money for Disney land at twice the rate that I need to. Of course taxes will either take all of the money from my Disney land fund, or add to it considerably, but I won't know that for a month or so.

It's amazing how comforting numbers are. Because numbers offer proof that I'm actually doing something rather than existing. Of course who is to say that I do in fact exist? Why is it so unfeasible to be living the proverbial dream within a dream? I know that a week ago I woke up, and did everything I usually do and then I walked to work and it seemed so dreamlike, that anything that imagined would be mine. Who is to say that I'm not in a coma right now. How do I know that I woke up that morning, or even if I've woken up since. Come to think of it, that was the day that I got approved for vacation that they said I would NEVER get approved for. That was also the day that they put my on question/escalation for the first time. That was by far the most perfect day ever at work, and nothing from that point on has felt precisely real. So the conclusion to all this mindless ranting? I don't know that I'm not dreaming.