Now I know the word surreal has recently been deemed a cliche' by the people that deem those things, but today seems surreal. It's like I'm living in a dream, and I don't quite know if I'll wake up in a few hours and have to repeat this whole day. Now there are a few reasons I could feel this way, first of all, and probably the main reason. They're putting in a new bath tub down stairs and even though I kept my windows open up until I went to bed, I still slept in all kinds of chemical fumes. So maybe that's it, maybe I'm just high, ha ha ha. That would also explain why I my lungs feel small, like I can't quite get a full breath in my lungs. The other reason, somebody from Job Corps called me today. The career transition person and that brought up all kinds of fun memories about how I was institutionalized. Not like a mental hospital, but more like boarding school kinda prison, basically I never had to make any decisions for myself, and those that I did I made purposefully wrong because I got scared of success, but fear of success is something that I fight every day. The suppressed desire to crush any and all success that I ever achieve is strong. The stench of abysmal failure is a familiar one, like a captured person loving their capturer, my soul fights for failure while my mind wants success. As you can see from the rambling nature of this post, there is defiantly something wrong with me today. So before I write something that I regret, I think I'll stop here.