So I didn't get the job. I shouldn't be this disappointed, but I am. All I want to do is go home and hide for a while. I want to drink myself into stupidity, and I don't care how much money I spend to do it. I just want to go home. Unfortunately, I have to stay here for another 8 hours and work. Pretend to be happy, and pretend to care when it is so hard not to leave. Just say I'm sick and that I don't care. I want to go home and wallow in depression. I want to pretend I don't exist. Well at least I know that I'm not living in a dream, though my dreams are not always pleasant. Alas, 63 days till Disney Land, and all is not well. But who was I to hope? Why do I even try to advance, sue's right this job is no better than fast food. This is a nothing job, I'm good at it, but who cares. If somebody is good at fast food does that make them successful? Of course not. Well there's something good that comes from all this disappointment, now I will not so thoroughly define myself by my job. Of course if I don't define myself by my job then what do I define myself by? Really there is nothing more to me. Life in the pursuit of distraction? Can I seriously define myself as hedonist if I know no pleasure? A self denying hedonist, the ultimate oxymoron. Well, I'm still depressed and I need a cigarette, I don't care about my compliance score any more, so an unscheduled break is my near future. So a half a cigarette made me feel a little bit better. At least I no longer have the overwhelming desire to spend mass amounts of money and damn the consquences. And I don't really want to go home right now. I realize that everything I do, I do either for money or for distraction. Damn everything and everybody, I'll exist just to exist, and just a side note before I close this long rambling entry of despair, I prayed to God, many, many times to get this job. I was truly believing in God for the first time in a long time, and then he kicks me in the head just when life has potential. So much for God!