Why is it that I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely?

Why is this such a familiar feeling for me. It seems that no matter where I go or who I'm with I'm still the one alone. I try convince myself that I like it this way. That I don't like anybody and I don't want anybody to like me.

That attitude got me through high school, with spectacular failure.

High School

High school was all about emotion, the humiliation and rejection, the transcendent happiness. I used to long for someone, anyone. I had a phrase that I used to use: someone with whom all time seems to stop, with whom now and then, before and after doesn't exist. Where mindless lust consumed all in the blind pursuit of mystic happiness.